The Bane of my Existence: Cutting Onions

Do you hate cutting onions as much as I do?
This is a serious matter that I believe needs to be addressed. There are many people out
there who are suffering the turmoil that is onion cutting. This probably sounds like the preface for a “once in a lifetime deal” for the Slap Chop or something, but I promise it͛s not. I just really hate cutting onions.
For one thing, it hurts. We all know cutting onions makes you cry. But it stings like nothing else, and as someone who wears contact lenses, it͛s a huge inconvenience. It also opens you up to people walking into the kitchen and jokingly saying “Aw, don’t cry, it’s okay” and I am over that joke. It is not okay.
Also, it’s just really hard to get it right. I’ve seen many cooking shows or YouTube videos
where trained professionals just cut onions like they were doing it in the womb. Evenly
diced pieces, or perfect salad slices – whatever it may be, I just can’t do it. And how does
McDonald’s get that perfect millimetre cube? I’ll never know.
Well anyway, I have a few tips which may make this hell on Earth easier for all of us. Let me know if any of this works for you.
  1. Freeze your onions. This way, the juice can͛t squirt up and get you in the eye – because it͛s frozen. Genius. Also, it won͛t all fall apart as you͛re cutting it up, because it͛s stuck together. Double genius. ALSO! They͛ll last a lot longer – triple genius! It just makes it a lot more solid so you might have to put in a bit of extra muscle to get the knife through. Plus, it definitely doesn͛t make for pretty bits of raw onion – they end up all soggy and misshapen. I͛d only use this for when you͛re cooking them down; definitely not for salads or burgers.
  2. Sharpen your knife. If you don’t have any frozen onions on hand or if you need even slices, sharpen your knife. Similarly to how it hurts less to accidentally cut yourself with a sharp knife than a blunt knife, you get a much cleaner cut in your onion and less onion blood (juice) squirting around when you use a sharp knife.

    onions 1
    Another helpful tip
  3. Food processor. You can easily get a fine dice in a food processor, just be careful not to over-process, lest you end up with onion mush.

  4. Soak your onions. After chopping a raw onion in half and peeling it, put it in a bowl of cold water for a few minutes to draw out some of the juice. It shouldn’t compromise the taste, and it might help to make the task a little more bearable.
  5. Onion powder. If you really, really hate cutting onions, let Masterfoods do the work for you. It will probably taste like crap, but at least your eyeballs and dignity will be saved.
Images: http://www.girlsaskguys.com/other/q1955236-your-onion-chopping-or-peeling-resistance-to-crying-10
https://imgflip.com/memegenerator/First-World-Problems

 

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