Review: ‘Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales’

Were you one of the people who rolled their eyes at the prospect of a FIFTH addition to the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise? Did you even realise that this was number 5? The actors are getting older, and so is the audience. The first film, The Curse of the Black Pearl, came out fourteen years ago. Since then, we have had a fairly steady stream of Captain Jack Sparrow into our lives… and we can’t seem to get enough. To put it in perspective: since it opened a few weeks ago, Dead Men Tell No Tales has made $606 million worldwide – already close to what The Curse of the Black Pearl has made in total. Granted, the first film is the lowest grossing of the franchise, but I definitely remember it being quite popular. The fact of the matter is this: I wasn’t expecting to like it, because often I find film franchises to be very tedious and cheesy. But I did like it, quite a bit. That’s not to say it wasn’t tedious or cheesy in parts, but I did like it.
The film centres around the quest to find the Trident of Poseidon, a powerful and legendary object said to be able to break every curse of the sea. Jack Sparrow teams up with two headstrong young partners Henry Turner and Carina Smyth (each equipped with their own daddy issues) to track it down, all the while being pursued by an old nemesis, Captain Salazar, and his crew of dead Spanish navy men. The new main characters in the film were very well done. Notably the malevolent Captain Salazar, played by the master of vengeance and tension, Javier Bardem. It took me a while to figure out why he always looked like he was floating, but it’s actually quite a nice touch.
Brenton Thwaits plays Henry, the son of Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan. His character fills the role of the much needed antithesis to Jack Sparrow’s (Johnny Depp) behaviour, being kind, innocent and determined. The other role to fill is that of the girl, who in this film is Carina Smyth, played by Kaya Scodelario. A thoroughly independent astronomer and horologist, she comfortably dodges any cringe-worthy movie clichés of being an attractive woman surrounded by men (something that the Pirates franchise has always been good at). I will also give a brief mention to David Wenham who plays Scarfield of the British Navy, simply because I have a huge soft spot for this Australian actor and anything I have to say about him will be unfairly biased. He does do a good job though.
In what I would imagine to be a team effort, directors Joachim Rønning, Espen Sandberg and actor Johnny Depp have managed to avoid tedium or cheesiness in the most likely of places: Captain Jack Sparrow. He isn’t drunk throughout the entire film, and his classic Johnny Depp mannerisms still find new ways to be amusing. He still gets stuck in awkward situations which bear no consequence to the rest of the film, and somehow it’s not tiresome. But while it is successful in being an iconic and highly-stylised caricature performance, I would, deep down, love to see Johnny Depp bring out his dramatic acting skills every once in a while as well.
Despite an overall enjoyable story, there were a few parts which didn’t quite sit right with me. Two of them related to Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly. I physically could not restrain myself from rolling my eyes (I tried, I promise) at the pointlessness of Keira Knightley’s silent cameo. And why are there no other crew members from the Flying Dutchman around when we see Will Turner? And while we’re on the topic of the Flying Dutchman, the events in the film have some serious implications on this ship and its crew, and I think this needs to be addressed. It basically makes the entire Dead Man’s Chest film – the highest grossing of the franchise – completely redundant. In fact, it sort of makes all of the films redundant. Similarly to the question of ‘why didn’t Gandalf just get the birds to take Frodo to Mt Doom in the first place’, I have to ask, why didn’t they just suss out this curse-breaking trident in The Curse of the Black Pearl (I’m looking at you, Barbosa)? Without giving too much away, it would have saved them all a lot of messing around, and saved Will Turner a bunch of facial barnacles (not a metaphor – literal facial barnacles). But, these eye-rolls are only minor in the scheme of Dead Men Tell No Tales. There were plenty of moments where I laughed out loud or found myself on the edge of my seat. In future, maybe I won’t be so quick to write off the fifth instalment to a movie franchise, or for that matter, the sixth Pirates of the Caribbean film.


Why Clean Your Windows?

As mentioned in this article, cleaning your windows can be boring, strenuous and dangerous. So you might not want to bother at all. However, making sure your windows are clean is more important than you might think. Here’s five reasons why.

Removing allergens. The dust on your windows can collect over time and cause hay fever. Most humans are allergic to house dust, so if you find you’re particularly sneezy or your eyes are particularly itchy, maybe it’s time to get your windows cleaned.

Dirty windows are unsightly. This is harsh but true. Windows just happen to look a lot nicer when they’re clean! Your house guests will be jealous of your shiny clean windows and lovely views into the back yard (you’d be surprised what a difference it makes). You will feel house proud and hygienic.

Natural light is good for you. Following on from your shiny gleaming windows being prettier, you’ll be more likely to open up your curtains to let the natural light in. Also, a build-up of dirt can create a film on your windows that might stifle the amount of light that is coming in. By allowing more light in, you’ll get more vitamin D, which is an essential nutrient that the human body cannot produce on its own. Exposing yourself to more natural light will help your circadian rhythms, or sleeping pattern, which in turn will make you a happier, more productive person!

You’ll save electricity. And once you’ve started opening your curtains more often, you won’t need to switch on the light as much! This will save you money on your energy bill, and help the environment.

Avoiding hard water stains. When you regularly get your windows cleaned, you can help to avoid hard water stains. These are drip-like marks on your windows which do not go away with regular window cleaning alone. This can be very expensive to rectify, and could permanently affect your windows!

If you think you’ve heard enough, give us a call! We can help you get your windows clean in a Flash.